There are so many things I intend to do, and that 'to do' list runs through my thoughts constantly. The biggest downfall in my daily life at the moment is the intention to do things and actually getting them done.
Blogging is one of those things. My blog is sadly neglected. One of the reasons I find it so hard to blog is because I want my blog to be full of happy thoughts and wonderful moments. I don't want there to be any negative thoughts or posts at all.
And to be completely honest, I find that just too hard.
I want to be the kind of person that finds the glass half full, rather than half empty.
For the last few years I have really struggled with my health, particularly thyroid issues, never seeming to have the right levels, and if they are where they should be, its only for a short period of time, and then my dosages are adjusted and we are back on the rollercoaster of ups and downs all over again.
For years and years my GP has suggested going on anti-depressents and I continue to avoid it. I constantly tell myself that I can't be depressed because I have so many things to be happy about.
Here are some examples of how I feel and how I should be feeling.
Negative - I suffered Endometriosis and a few other hormone related health issues for nearly 10 years with constant treatments, medications and occasional surgery and the prospect of not having children;
Positive- I now have 4 happy healthy children that I love more than life itself.
Negative - I have thyroid disease and arthritis, can't seem to lose so much as an ounce, am tired and cranky most of my waking hours.
Positive - my illnesses are not life threatening
Negative - my husband works ridiculous hours, the strain of which makes me feel like I'm always on my own with no support
Postive - my husband loves his family and would much rather spend his time at home with us, rather than in his office.
Negative - my father passed away with us barely on civil speaking terms
Positive - I have a mother I adore and who loves my family equally
Negative - financial worries
Positive - I have a roof over my head, food on the table, my kids go to a fantastic school and have amazing opportunities, my husband can play gold and I can scrap
I have a son who struggles sometimes with what the teachers describe as "red thoughts" and "green thoughts" and we have been doing loads of work with him to try and re-train his brain to think more along the lines of green thoughts and to gain a little self confidence.
I am thinking it wouldn't do much harm for me to start taking some of the advice I am giving him and re-train my thoughts.
The school holidays haven't gone exactly as I had planned. The rain hasn't helped.
I have had to tell myself constantly to not worry about the housework and that I need to just take a deep breath and ignore the housework.
Not long now and the kids will be back at school and I can get my house back into order and have a little downtime. Just being able to sit and eat my lunch without the constant interuptions will be a treat.
I want to sit back and enjoy my time with the kids whilst they are little.....but sometimes it just feels impossible.